My · Drinking · Buddies.

So, I was having a textversation with Christopher earlier about the characters/actors I am extremely attracted to. This started a chain of thoughts about a LJ post I was going to make (ahem this one), but also accidentally caused me to text a question relating to the conversation that was meant for Chris...to Slick.

(  And then this nonsense happened. )

But quite seriously, inquiring minds want to know. I'm recently realizing that I do actually know what qualities and personality traits I look for in a significant other (none, I actually just prefer to spend the rest of my life with a feline..obviously), and it's kind of a relief to know. So I'm asking, anyone who will answer me, what do YOU look for/want/need in a lasting romantic partner?

Humor me. Let's say I'm taking a survey. I don't care if we're not talking, we've recently broken up, you stumbled upon this journal randomly, you're webstalking me, you prefer anonymity, we actually hate each other, we've never met, I killed your mother, or we're best friends and I probably already know the answer. If you're reading this, riddle me this. Plz. I'd appreciate it.

Now I'm going to go try and pretend I didn't just willingly interact with he who stompified my heart.

I feel like I've been steamrolled. I'm exhausted, cranky, and fighting an emotional tidal wave. Maybe it can be blamed partially on physical pain but I'm becoming convinced that a lack of productivity makes my mood swings and cramps unmanageable. Without distraction I'm liable to indulge in my stupid feelings.

I did NOTHING productive today. Zip. Zero. Nada. Actually, I did nothing all weekend. I completely wasted away my abundance of free time. I find I hate myself even more for that when I've been previously active with any sort of consistency. I can't believe I just bent over and bowed to my uterus.

What is it that makes me silent for weeks at a time and then feel the need to post/write/express myself excessively all in one day? My period? Probably. I like to blame being in touch with my emotions on my girly bits since I'm otherwise...not.

Right now, in this moment I feel like I need to talk to someone. Someone impartial, someone new. But I won't. Why? Because by tomorrow it will pass... and in true s-bot fashion it will once again become easier for me to just internalize, compartmentalize, and forget that I have any feelings (except anger) about any of the things presently plaguing me. I can't sleep. I haven't tried, but I know this to be fact. If nothing else my pain will keep me up. I'd rather be exercising than thinking right now but my cramps have other ideas. I think the only two things that could silence my thoughts right now are sex and exercise. Neither of which are currently accessible to me.

I hate Christmas. This month is going to be nothing but crap on a crap cracker.

Just about everything in my life is looking up right now.

This Monday marks the beginning of my last week at AAA. Not only am I getting to work the same shift with my best friend and three of my more likeable former coworkers at AAA, but one of them is my very awesome new/old boss. I'll have a pay increase, more hours, AND I'll have health benefits in a little over a month. I'm going to be working a shift that keeps my nights free so maybe by the time summer rolls around I'll be able to take night classes.

I have a new (to me) car that is treating me very well.

I'm exercising again.

I've actually been channeling energy into productive activities...such as making a bunch of jewelry and working on cuteface's book.

My dad has a new job and if his family were intact, probably would no longer have any depression issues. This has made him a lot easier to live with.

So..why do I feel like I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing? This better be PMS.